Im numb.Dun really want to feel anything much.I need a break from all this thinking, it driving me crazy.I cannot understand y isit that when one is feeling bad enough, things have to become worst?Tat life i guess..Screw it!

oh i guess everyone is feeling it la but i dunno how much it affecting everyone only.
im an emotional idiot, guilt, anger, jealousy, sadness, happiness and all kind of possible emotions u can ever feel get rubs into me very easily..So pls think twice before u talk and hurt my fragile heart..=(

Sometimes i think im really oversensitive so even if i get hurt, i tried not to show it.But as someone say, i aint a good actress.Anyway, today Michael drove me to work in his new toyota.haha and i end up reaching at 7.10am.So early lo that i only saw sisters in the changing room.I took the right smart turn to my locker, unlock, and slowly unpack my stuff.Heard them talking really loudly behind but sister carol seem to be angry, i waited for them to walk back to their locker before i slowly crept to get my clothes.Quicky changed and met xy while i was on the way up.

We got sis Carol to log in to the system before we can log in our temp and den it started, it not the first time we r all getting scolded but this was one of the really terrible one.It the problem wif us wearing shorts to work.Gosh, i secretly knew i was one of them..although it was only 2 times..She shouted and ask us to confess, a few more others came in and she screen them like she gonna shoot at them wif a gun if they were found guilty..like wtf la.

Sadly there were a few who couldnt escaped..But V was sitting next to me and she raised up her hand.I was shocked.I dunno, im still very confused.We were taught when we were young to be honest and admit to our mistakes for who knows yeah we might be pardoned.But NO, time and time again as i watch pple admiting to mistakes they make, they get worst punishment.i never trust that sentence again.I mean of cos we cant always be tat dishonest but ter r times which i think we shouldnt.As long, we know it wrong and willing to change can le ma.Wat good abt admitting when u r not gonna amend ur mistakes?

The consequences to V admitting it was diasterous.Haiz.I wish i could tell her not to.I admire her honestly.Seriously.

Anyway sis carol continued her second round of life firing at us and she seem too piss to go on anymore, so the time was pass to sis M.She just ruin the whole morning.

Before i go on, i admit tat if we wear sloppily to work, it wun work well on our so call professional image.Personally, i wish i wouldnt have to call myself a nurse sometimes when i am looking like i just got out of bed.But if pple wear shorts tat doesnt show their arses, it pretty alright i feel.But i dunno wat wif the sisters and their conservativeness..Anyway, sis Carol must be too mad tat she went out of her mind.She actually demand, order or watever us to wear uniform starting from tmr..!!!Wat abt giving us some grace..just like sis ann from IJ use to say.

So much so..As like i say, it isnt enough, halfway of sis M lesson of anathesia.Some GMM storm in and complain that someone has been snapping photos and something abt concerning patient privacy, like wtf.I only saw young little MO happily snapping pics of the pt, but nvr us.Like wtf la.
And another stupid issue, abt the one microwave oven downstairs and wat we overflooding the cosy corner..The outspoken ones fight for our rights..cheers to them.

I have no comments.

Except the one abt the snapping photos.Just like the issue earlier on.It is just as frustrating.I felt guilty.Somehow i feel its alright as long as i dun get my "models" into troubles can le.Being paranoid just makes me wonder if i was the one tat cause this commotion?

So to xy, yy and ali..Im terribly sorry if let say i was really the one.=(

Oh well, shall not think abt it and wait and see.

Somehow i think sis carol seem more den wat she is really.Im starting to dislike her..

Ive been going tru a rollercoaster ride..Sometimes for no reason, i had high hopes and yet at times, i feel like giving up.It not easy at least to me to wait for someone.All the time, i always had someone ter to take away all the pain.But this time, i just want to taste each drop of it and im healing myself alone!

I wonder if it was worth it and can only find a yes-no answer.yes cos i dun think i can ever find anyone as sincere as u..But no bcos u werent tat sincere after all..

I dun trust guys
I dun trust love
and I dun trust myself..
At least not the part
to being able to love someone else again..

im broken.
im torn.
im sick.

Finally.