In the beginning, it always hurt..But tru the pain, you will become stronger..That something i have always told myself..So tolerate..Cos there might be a reason why u were here..

I 'll find that reason soon.

One day, some how...

I realise or should i say subconsciously knew that i was livin in the past..But i cant help it..I miss the past, i miss everything abt it..and most of all i miss the person that was in the past.
But i know some where out in a corner of this country, he is still safe and sound, probably leading a happier life.And as i look at my pathetic self, i cant help feeling stupid and sorry for myself..

I din noe where i could find such strength in the past, neither do i know why i lack those strength now..But all i know is that i need to move on..Bcos if i dun..I'll wun be able to trust anyone..In fact, sometimes i feel i m putting a barrier automatically to almost anyone who tries to come to close to me..bcos i dun want to get hurt..

I still love you but tat doesnt matter anymore..cos u r alrdy gone..

To my 'guidance angel':If u could understand how i truly feel, you will know wat i really need..

I have to sleep soon..Omg..

Well, the 'double dating' went quite ok i think..If it were not for the fact tat Lena and di were always arguing..But come to think of it, it helps to make the situation less tense.Actually it not a double date la, but bcos ter is 2 boys and 2 gers so u get it....???

I know im quite bad for including another couple when it was suppose to be just the 2 of us but i dunno i thought it might be quite fun going double dating wif lena..lolz
Beside i miss tat ger, love has made her grew more prettier..JOHN, YOU BETTER TREASURE HER or else i will break ur bones.haha..

i dunno if he did get comfortable abit after tat anot but anyway i did enjoy myself..

I finally got to watch THE BREAKUP *gasp*

i love Jennifer Aniston.She hot.

It actually really a show abt a couple who couldnt get along and den breakup..Sound simple rite?Somehow seem like i am watching a replay of my past relationship except this time with a better protrayal of emotions and thoughts..

But all in all, the show has a great ending..a ending that we took in the end except in our case, it got so screw up that i have to officially end it..arrggh.

But really, after watching that movie, i wish i could fall in love again and get to argue and do stupid things like making him jealous..im crazy i know..hahah.

I miss that kind of love..=(

Oh well, move on..My itchy hands spent another $60+ on clothes again..But i nvr did regret it..It so nice i simply just have to buy it..Lena will agreee wif me too..

Blossomz rocks!

White or pink?

Went home after the shopping.I chose white in the end..=D

Yesterday was a pretty bad day again..I dunno why things dun go well whenever she wif me..Like im always getting her into trouble..She nice and all and i really dun want to let her down..So i promise myself i wun be lazy anymore..=(

Today, im a floater floating along the middle bank. A great thanks to Shanil for helping me wif my cannulation and for brightening up my day..She such a sweet and great ger.I hope things will get better for her..

I want to sleep early so that i would have my 4 hrs of sleep and get up to study and slowly prepare myself for work..Im going work early again..=x

ZzZzZz..

I have been busy, haven been able to breathe properly..

I dun have enough time for everyone..I tried to space out my time but sometimes it depends on who is it, wat r we going to do and also my mood..Haiz. i got a serious bad time managment..

My sat is like the most precious day alrdy..It is usually booked like one week in advance..So if u want ask me out, ask me one week or mayb 2 weeks in advance..LOLz
My sat last week was spent wif vio, sel, xy and yy and i had to make time later at nite to join mich at jewel box..

Trying to act cute..lolx

Had quite a lot of fun wif all the little games i play wif his frens.So as u can see by the end of each sat, im totally shacked..So sunday is usually the day for recharged and bcos of tt, i usually dun want to go out..=(

Anyway,

Yesterday i had a wonderful dinner at koshing-bo.It a japanese buffet!!

Haha, everything was delicious.Ok i was crapping, not everything but most are..XD
It was me, yy,xy and her fren thomas and his m'sia gf..I tot she resembalance fab's gf somehow..You know your skinny and sweet looking type of ger..yepz.

They had this special item thingy where they will give out 30 of the special item at different station at different time..When u hear the bell ringing, you will see a crowd gather at the station..Hmm but nothing much, it was only things like ur baby lobster and some ice cream..lolz

I stuff myself silly and end up feeling so bloated.whee~

After dinner we happen to be walking by the fountain, saw some laser words on the fountain and really wish i could write something too..but too bad the person aint ter to see it.So anyway xy help thomas to write a dedication and den all of us sat there, patiently waiting for the dedication to be read out..Gosh, i was stoned..Everything seem beautiful.All the love songs filled the air and all the words seem so beautiful...

But the sad thing was tat they stopped the fountain thingy so that the tourists could go get some 'goodluck". Like wat the hell la.

After which, we head down to labordor park.Xy bought us to a beautiful spot like a hill top.It really nice and relaxing.Nice!!!

We slack for a while and i was complaining away bcause of the humid weather and mayb cos im feeling tired alrdy.

Lena was like out that nite CLUBBING at dbl O..so tempting but nahz..just miss her suddenly, it been donkey days since we last hang out and do stupid things..how i miss her..=x

Today has been a lazy day, reaally did feel like just stayin home the whole day..But i owe yh a date so gotta get my lazy ass out.
I actually haven been lazy, i have been doing HOUSEWORK the whole morning..ZzZz

Bleahz.

I dunno wat to blog about anymore.

Everyday will be just work, maple and den sleep.No life at all sia..-.-

I dun have the mood either to blog.So much has happen..that i feel like 'killing' myself sometimes..arggh.

WELL, a great thanks to YH who came to help my dad break my double decker bed.Haha..He was so nice and courteous to buy a blackforest cake from breadtalk.I din noe breadtalk cake taste really good too..LOLz.But actually dun need la, it actually makes me feel so bad, cos i dun buy anything when i visit pple house..I dunno, is it really a must?To me i guess it really depends on ur culture..I remember leech would prompt me to buy certain stuff that his mom would love to eat esp on festive occasion like ur mooncake festival..but still i dun have such a manner to do so..

Mayb..it will be good to try..haha..

Anyway i want to sleep already, i guess i will try to update when i got all the pics..ZzZz

Halo once again.

I guess i have been doing fine.Manage to scrub for CABG yesterday and for a short while today.Was interesting i must say..Haha.But ter are alot of things i still dunno, not sure if im learning too slow or r there more things tat im still unaware of...Oh well, must relax sia..*Breathe*

Okays.Shall update a little ba.

Where shall i start?It been too long, Hmm i manage to catch the firework on friday..Was a coincident i tell u..Haha.Lena caught it abit late lo..LOL
Well, i happen to be at kallang wif micheal and while he was trying to find the carpark, the firework started.So we got off the car to watch it..^-^

I spent most of that 15 min trying to capture a nice one.So far tis is the best..+D

We went to eat MUSHROOM POTS! Was totally a healthy meal..Haha..But it was good..I ate til i could feel my stomach going to burst any moment.By the time we reach back, was alrdy 11 plus.Time passes so fast.Din had time to stay downstair as i was really shacked den.

Sat after work, maple awhile and sometimes went down to help wif things.Shawn came to accompany me for a nite..^-^
Was happy but it was also tat day when i saw him, i knew things were very different le.My hopes were crushed, ter really nothing i could do..=(
I sat on his bike for wat seem like the very last time, it was a short ride to mac, but tat is enough for me le.=]

On sunday, i woke up late.I was pretty good, i stay downstair for most of the time.Leech came to pay his respect to ah ma.And char and sher also came at nite but errr they only want to use the laptop...-.-

Monday was her cremation at sin ming.Sometimes i wonder if im a ger who can easily cry.Cos i dunno why i keep tearing..Esp the part where we were suppose to follow the van and walk out of the car park..+((

It was reaally sad la.Couldnt stop crying even as the whole thing was over..We went to this temple where i use to go when i was young.Couldnt rem much but i rem the floor always have this very dusty feeling like they never sweep the floor for weeks..LOLz
There was this big board with many pics.I found my ah ma and ah gong pic..Their pic were put together..Seeing tat, i really felt at peace and happy..

Tuesday was back to work.I was really sian, tried to keep a positive attitude abt things.Aiyo it feels so terrible when u come to work knowing almost nothing, you get flooded wif informations that make u go blur.Gosh.My mind felt like a packed sardine, i went to sleep early...

Wednesday, my preceptor was morning too..Was really happy la.Despite my sotongness she din scold me..She is really nice..I wish i could work wif her more..

Thursday, Sal and Sel went reception so only left me and vict.I was put wif SIS ANG and was so hoping she will let me learn something interesting when she told me to scrub instead!!! I was so shocked yet excited..LOLz
Oh boy, the surgery lasted til1450.I was going hypo sia but i wanted to stay on cos i dun really like doing things half way beside it so fun scrubbing up.hehe.
A lot mistake i make like dunno how to drape the trolley and alot more.Well.....

Today, i was at R8.First case was AGAS.he noticed me make some comment which my ear chose not to pick up.Was observing his case and noting the placement of the instrument.Second case,Kang ask me to scrub wif her.i couldnt hesitate more, quickly went to scrub up..Haha but Jam was fierce also.Keep scolding me abt my movements..Kang taught me abt fixing the chest trochar and i learnt abit more of trolley preparation.Was slightly easier for chest case i feel..

Jam gave me a coupon and i had a really good lunch..haha.AFter tat, sis Ng wanted us to learn topping up, so i tag wif HR and XT to do topping up as well as packing of intrument.

Im glad it finally the weekend.We r having another outing tmr.XD

Hmm, before i go, i realise i have beeen losing pretty important pple.=(

First i lost a very good buddy,my ah ma and now moja is going away too.I guess it part of parcel in life..=x

Moja!!
Oh how i am going to miss her..

I hope things wun get so bad without a maid..She was really good after all.I should give her a best MAID award or something..Haha.

I haven been updating this blog.Not going to until im settle down..

It has alrdy been 2 days in the OR and im still as lost..-.-

Gosh.God bless this blur sotong.

Anyway, i m grateful to a few pple who came to keep me company or give me support during the wake..Well, i was quite happy when i saw her pic together wif his..I dunno, but somehow she seem complete..She has always been alone and battling wif all the pain and discomfort is more inbearable den any of us can think ba..

Okay something funny, tat day we found a huge wasp.my aunt say it her...-.-
But den again, it was really huge..lolz

im scared of strange things tat will happen, so i got Michael to go up wif me, wait for me to wash up and changed before he go..Lolz.

Tats for all ba.Maybe i will write something more happier if im free on the weekend..IF....

Den again, im looking forward to the weekends, for now, i just want to learn my circulating work well..=/

It have been quite long since i wrote something here.

I dunno wat to type, i've been losing the feel to blog and den something else have to happen which still leaves me in a state of extreme guilt and sadness.

My grandma pass away on the morning of 10/8/06.

Tmr is the cremation, i dunno if i can stay strong..

She left me unexpectedly.Mayb i took it for granted tat although the days seem impossible to go on, i tot she will.She is a strong lady.

I did wanted her to go yet i wish she did not..Im not sure why i feel so mixed up inside either.

I haven told her alot of things partially cos i din noe how to speak her language.I wasnt close enough to her ever since young partially bcos i din grow up under her care which my elder sis did.But nonetheless she still meant something.

It too late i guess.

I wish den i bought her flowers on mother's days or the times when she lied lifelessly on the bed.

I told shawn last nite, i realise how important when chances come by..Once you miss it, you will not know when the next time it will come by again..mayb never..

Yet i cant help feeling tat i should have talk to her tat nite or touch her the very morning when i woke up to study..I could have felt her alive at the very last moment.For believe anot, i might just be the only person awake when she was leaving..=(

Still...

i pray that she will be happy whereever she is..i hope to see her one day..in my dreams or something..


Sorry I never told you,
all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you,
'cause you've gone away,
so far away..

Gosh wat seem like eternality before we actually got a ph..i cant get to enjoy it lo.
Im forced to stay at home to study..
Haha, but Mr procrastination is getting to me..
haiz, habits are seriously hard to change..But i got to.

I have only finish half of everything im so suppose to study.Still got quite alot more.

God bless me!

Anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGPORE! XD.

tsk tsk..in a lousy mood now.=((

Seriously you're not worth it.screw it.

Im still feeling it.im feeling it everyday since i dunno when.
I guess it really me, not anyone else..

Yesterday Mich ask me something tat makes me feel so lousy?Not his fault, but it gave me a chance to grumble and really question..Im glad i got a fren tat listen the way i want him to..
Although he listen, he sympatize, but i still dun feel better.Cos i want to do something abt this stigma.

I dunno ba, while i was just thinking wat i should do, i only came to a conclusion tat usually pple just criticise, put u down and tell u tat u got something wrong but they nvr really tell u wat u should do.

You see the problem is tat if it was something intentional, it would be easy to stop doing it.But wat if it was inborn in u? Wat if it was like a habit..?

Habits and inborn characters are the hardest to change.

I guess i m gonna have a hard life until the day i change..

I keep feeling lousy cos i keep seeing all my shortcomings, everything bad..Im not depressed, just worried that it will bring me down one day especially in my work.

I hope God will guide me tru everything, teach me the rights and wrongs..What i should have done and avoid doing.

I dunno i know it no use to sit here, think and pity myself just bcos im like tat..I just hope pple understand im trying my best.. I understand tat it was only bcos they care enough but i also care enough to really try.

It just feel like tat ter is very little pple i could comfortably be wif where i could be myself and not feel so down bcos they could accept the way i am..

I need to find myself i guess.=/

God Bless the lost sheep.

Yesterday i went for supper wif Lena, Michael and Tommmyyy..
Me and Michael came to a conclusion..tat is Lena and Tommy has the same frequency..Haha..They can click damn well la..lolz.

Lena came to my house and was force to play maple.Lolz.Gosh you should see the way she play..Luckily got MaidenMasher or else i think my character die le..Bcos she was dying of boredom she called Michael to come faster and we all went to HK CAFE!

Okays just some crazy pics while waiting for the food..Was quite crowded yesterday so we spent alot of time waiting.

Hehe, Im little Pink riding Hood..=P

What am i waiting for??



My Prince Charming?!?!



Nahaha..FOOD!!



Why you look so sad??



Come i give u a hug and a kiss..



This guy who is looking shock here is call Michael, my supper partner!



Come, everyone look here..!!
*click*
XD.

Im feeling like a little kid..ZzZz..

TATS for all folks! i gotta runn...

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me
I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all
I'm going to be is
Incomplete.

You see, i dun think God has ever not know wat i wanted.but ter must be a reason why he is doing this to me..Bcos of this, im stuck here not knowing wat i should be, wat i should do..All i ever know is tat i shouldnt stay too sad.

Now my mind wonders, my heart hope. But somewhere out ter is just all doubts of uncertainly.I dunno wat im doing wrong, so if im wrong, dun scold me..just tell me wat i should do.Plz..im scared.

im still not looking for anyone else but you..Im afraid so im just sitting here waiting..

But i know you will never come back again.=(

Oh well.

Good nite.

Today is almost over, im racing against time to get my beauty sleep.Have been feeling so tired and well part of it was my wrong to sleep but part of it was her biasness lo.I got proof ok?!?

Anyway lets forget abt pple tat tries to get u down..Today how ever was a day worth rejoicing..

IT NURSES DAY.. who cares if doctors have a day celebrated for them anot..lolz

We had free food..My only regret is tat i din get to eat the ice cream..We had entertainments by drs and nurses..And best of all, we get to collect balloon..whahaha.

Some pics taken with...

My cute locker partner.=D



lalala~ XD



Unique flower..

Not forgetting my beloved Char.. =DD

Im so glad she came to sgh to help out..haha, i tot i will nvr see her..One day must date her out again..lolz

Anyway once again before i go to sleep, let not forget this day where we will all wish each other..

HAPPY NURSES DAY!~