It have been quite long since i wrote something here.

I dunno wat to type, i've been losing the feel to blog and den something else have to happen which still leaves me in a state of extreme guilt and sadness.

My grandma pass away on the morning of 10/8/06.

Tmr is the cremation, i dunno if i can stay strong..

She left me unexpectedly.Mayb i took it for granted tat although the days seem impossible to go on, i tot she will.She is a strong lady.

I did wanted her to go yet i wish she did not..Im not sure why i feel so mixed up inside either.

I haven told her alot of things partially cos i din noe how to speak her language.I wasnt close enough to her ever since young partially bcos i din grow up under her care which my elder sis did.But nonetheless she still meant something.

It too late i guess.

I wish den i bought her flowers on mother's days or the times when she lied lifelessly on the bed.

I told shawn last nite, i realise how important when chances come by..Once you miss it, you will not know when the next time it will come by again..mayb never..

Yet i cant help feeling tat i should have talk to her tat nite or touch her the very morning when i woke up to study..I could have felt her alive at the very last moment.For believe anot, i might just be the only person awake when she was leaving..=(

Still...

i pray that she will be happy whereever she is..i hope to see her one day..in my dreams or something..


Sorry I never told you,
all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you,
'cause you've gone away,
so far away..