it a sunday afternoon...getting late soon..Im still sitting here, stinking and surfing net..Today, i actually spend 1 hr in front of the comp reading a love story..And while reading it, it bought a lot of questions to my mind..abt myself of cos..
Ever since i started working, i started to have doubt about myself and my capabilities, my character..It makes me sad sometimes to know abt the person i am..Alot of time, i realise i took many things for granted that there will always be someone there for me..to help me, to catch me when im fall..Never did i realise there will be a day when i have no one..
Im blessed in a way that i had a good family who protects me alot,in fact i think i grew up being too over-protected,over pampered and spoilt..Although in a way, i never consider myself one until today...
I had really good frens that protect me from harm too..boyfrens that pamper me..they r nice people cos all they wanted to do was to make me happy..Mayb i have been receiving too much and din noe how to give..
I dunno how is it to make someone happy, how to think for others and how to protect others the way they protect me...
that me..not a very nice person..
i remember one nite, i couldnt sleep and had to cry bcos i was feeling too tensed up inside..I remember before that, i scolded micheal very badly bcos he din came in time to accompany me to buy my crocs..Although i knew how childish i was..i still kept scolding and nagging until he din noe wat to say..and for that fact tru out the whole journey i know he dun owe me that..He dun have to come wif me to buy the crocs, he is not obliged to..In fact if he did, is me owing him..
yet as i closed the car door, i remember him saying 'keep in contact".I felt confused by his words..Why he say that?im not going to stop talking to him just bcos of that..
And although i tried going to sleep, i cant..i felt like a horrible person..i din know who to call and wat to say..so i msged shawn.Hoping in some way i can get to talked to him like in the past where he would assure me like he could understand me..
But NO..he din..his sms were always abt "life being like that"..or abt time...I knew than i really wouldnt need him anymore in my life..And for that it going to be the last time i cried for him..
im going to move on..After ending my last msg wif him..I console myself to sleep..
That was the first night i ever made myself cried..i dunno what to do wif myself anymore..
Where was God?where was my gurdian angel?i cant feel them...
The next day, i couldnt smile..felt like a block of wood going to work..
You see, everyday brings different lessons..
I'll remember the pain i have to take just to grow up..For now, i guess i really need to grow up..
My goal now is to stop being so ignorant...=x
Anyway i have definately driften out of point..Let me share wif u a little secret which of cos isnt a secret anymore since im sharing wif u..
Maybe i have a pyschiatrist disorder that i spent my entire life self treating..or maybe in denial..Who knows everyone do..
The love story i was reading abt had a very interesting behaviour which the main character had..She believes she can curse..How many stories talk abt pple like that..?
But i guess pple like that do exist and im just one of them..
In fact,i used to think that im a cursed myself and whenever i cursed pple, it would come true..But of cos that thought dies off as i matured..
But even til now, it does feel real..Anyway i stop cursing too bcos of something someone use to tell me..cant remember what it is exactly now but yeah it helps.
=x
Anyway today is yy birthday..Happy birthday to her..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY~
yesterday we gave her a big surprise after work..So good to see her smile and blush..
The plan turned out way better than was expected..Ms chin was the unexpected part...haha
The cake was good..I never knew prima deli had such good cakes also..
i had to apologise for the lousy quality pics..The problem lies wif my hp, of all day and time, the lens chosen to be dirty..arrrggh..And i din use photoshop to edit..=(
This makes me wonder, next yr is my 21st birthday..I doubt i going make it special..=x
I somehow dread it...arggh i always dread my birthday one..
Hmm, i had been feeling really shacked after the flu jab, not to mention muscles ache as well..Oh anyway sis Ang was the one to give me the jab...Not painful at all i tell ya..:)
All the fatigue doesnt allow me to go clubbing so we had a plan to sing..This time i got Qin and company..Was pretty fun..=)
hehe, thanks to everyone..
I realise i starting to look very different in make up..Haha, wif all that makeup tips from xy..I look so...i dunno different i guess..Anyway i love my new magnetic necklace..=))
Tmr is monday again. ><
